He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
