We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
