He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
