yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
