If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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