I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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