it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
