I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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