Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
