Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
