weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
