i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
