you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
