I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
