I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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