I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
