do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
