its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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