I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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