you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
