Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
how can u be prego again
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
