so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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