The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
