I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
