i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
