pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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