I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
