She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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