did you get engaged???
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
