They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
