yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
