My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
