Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
