Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
