Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i came on her dog
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
