went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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