Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
