I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She bit a glass in half.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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