I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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