i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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