Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
