well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
