Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
