i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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