feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
