It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
