i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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