So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
