I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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