Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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