I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
