so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
