when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
