Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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