He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
