Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the day after is always just damage control
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
